PTO Framework — Site Analysis (RidwanExpert@ Edition)

Running a store is great.. until your contact form becomes a haunted house.
Every day, we get more unsolicited Shopify pitches than orders.

So, in the spirit of transparency (and petty revenge), we’ve created an unofficial classification system for the scammers, clingers, and sales-pitch philosophers clogging our inbox.

The Usual Suspects

1. The Auditor from the Abyss
Claim: “We found 19 errors in your store!”
Reality: Hasn’t opened your site. Just Ctrl+C'd an old WooCommerce audit.

Favorite tools: "ScreamingFrog," "Semrush," "Google Partner badge" (not real)
Usually offers: A Google Drive link to a PDF titled “Urgent Shopify Analysis Report”

2. The Bundle Believer
Claim: “I’ll install Vitals, Privy, Bundler, and 5 more and you’ll be RICH.”
Reality: Can’t explain how those tools work. Or spell them.

Strategy: Drop words like “optimization” and “conversion boost” until you give up.
Signature move: Refers to the “PTO Framework” and vanishes when questioned.

3. The Voice Note Hustler
Claim: “I sent you a quick analysis via WhatsApp, check now”
Reality: They’ll spam you daily until you block them or shame them publicly.

Tools: WhatsApp. That’s it.
Bonus: Sends you an Instagram reel of a store they had nothing to do with.

4. The Commission Illusionist
Claim: “We work on commission only — just give us access.”
Reality: Wants Collaborator access, then suggests “$200 for startup tools.”

Add-on package includes:

• Confusion
• Misspelled contracts
• A 3-core growth strategy stolen from a Udemy course

And Our Response?

We print them.
The worst ones get archived, then turned into merch, so we can laugh instead of lose our minds.

Check out the new PTO Framework Poster inspired by real email absurdity
PTO Framework – SJKS Wearhouse

Classify Your Own

If you run a Shopify store and get these messages, we want to hear about it.
Send us your worst. Bonus points for:

• Fake audit screenshots
• Google Drive links to nowhere
• WhatsApp voice notes from “Hamzat” or “Expert Digital”

We'll be classifying them weekly in Blog Dispatch.

Stay skeptical. Stay stylish